I have come to accept in the past few weeks that my brain is divided. Yes physically and intellectually, creatively, spiritually. All of these are parts that seem to with autonomy. The two ‘super powers’ are intellectual and creative. I really like the logic in the earth and health sciences. I have a thing for chemistry, physics and medicine. I absorb all I can regarding these topics, while yearning for more knowledge. I can never satisfy my curiosity on how the world works.
Creativity is at war with logic. I found that you have to nurture creativity and free though. Left neglected, the ability to create and think in color, light, sound and feel the world, slowly dies. It’s a use it or lose it clause that I did not bargin for and I wish i could change the rules. While I appreciate many other arts, expressing myself with photography is the choosen outlet for my creativity. The mechanics of my cameras don’t leave me but the ability to ‘see’ the image before depressing the shutter release becomes more difficult when not practiced.
In my former life I designed lights for theatre. I reached my pinnacle when I got hired by Disney. I was not the best but I could hold my own and I had the priveledge of working with very talented designers. Creativity was our food and we feasted while we could. Now I am in an opposite world, emergency services and fire fighting. We concentrate on logic, science and muscle memory to accomplish our goals. My creative brain wants to come out and play but free thinking is stifled in the fire service.
I cannot reconcile the two opposites. I cannot think logically and be creative. I have to be one or the other and this Bipolar persona can get old. Right now I want nothing more than to create images (although it has been a long time since I used pencil to draw) in any way i can. Tomorrow I might want to study the hydrocarbon derivative family of chemistry.
I need a vulcan mind meld to bring the two halves together. I will continue to be pulled in both directions with my heart in theatre, photography, music and my mind in firefighting and pre-hospital medicine.